Modern Family (モダンファミリー)

Modern Family

 

モダンファミリー シーズン1 第1話

*シーズン1第1話は完全版なので長いです。いろんなエピソードからの会話を見たい人はこちらからどうぞ。そちらには参考訳を入れてあります。

場面:ダンフィー家 (朝)

Claire: Kids, breakfast! Kids! Ugh, Phil, would you get them?

Phil: (携帯電話をいじりながら) Yeah. Just a sec.

Claire: Kids! (コンテナを落としてしまう) Okay.

Phil: That is so… Kids! Get down here!

Hayley: (キッチンに入ってきながら) Why are you guys yelling at us when we’re way upstairs? Just text me.

Claire: Alright, that’s not gonna happen and wow, you’re not wearing that outfit.

Hayley: What’s wrong with it?

Claire: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?

Phil: (携帯電話から顔を上げて) Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute, sweetheart.

Hayley: Thanks.

Claire: No, it’s way too short. People know you’re a girl; you don’t need to prove it to them.

Alex: (キッチンに入ってくる) Luke got his head stuck in the banister again.

Phil: I got it. Where’s the baby oil?

Claire: It’s on our bedside tab- (口ごもる) I don’t know. Find it. (カップボードに向かって歩いていく) Come on!

(コメンタリー*モダンファミリーでは「モキュメンタリー」と呼ばれる手法が使われていて随所に「なんちゃってインタビュー」のようなものが挟まれて登場人物の本心が聞けるようになっています)

Claire: I was… out of control growing up. There, you know, I said it. I… I just don’t want my kids to make the same bad mistakes that I made. If Hayley never wakes up on a beach in Florida half-naked, I’ve done my job.

Phil: …Our job.

Claire: Right. I’ve done our job.

 

場面: サッカーの試合

Gloria: Bravo, Manny! Kick it, kick it! Don’t let him- kick it! Manito! (スペイン語で何か怒鳴る) No! No, no! He tripped him, Jay. Where is the penalty?

Jay: Gloria, they’re 0-6. Let’s take it down a notch.

(コメンタリー)

Gloria: We’re very different. Jay’s from the city, he has big business. I come from a small village – very poor, but very, very beautiful. It’s the number one village in all Colombia for all the… what’s the word?

Jay: Murders.

Gloria: Yes, the murders.

(元の場面に戻る)

Gloria: Manny, stop him! (スペイン語で何か叫ぶ)

(自転車に乗っている女の子にマニーが手を振っていると、相手チームが点を入れる)

Teammate: Dammit, Manny.

Mother: Come on, coach. You’ve gotta take that kid out!

Gloria: You wanna take him out? How about I take you out?

Jay: Honey, honey…

Gloria: Why don’t you worry about your son? He spent the first half with his hand in his pants!

Mother:  Wow… (立ち去る)

Guy: I’ve wanted to tell her off for the last six weeks. I’m Josh, Ryan’s dad.

Gloria: Hi, I’m Gloria Pritchett, Manny’s mother.

Josh: Oh, and this must be your dad.

Jay: Her dad? No. No, that’s funny. Actually, no, I’m her husband. Don’t be fooled by the, uh… (椅子から立ち上がろうともがきながら) Gimme a second here.

 

 場面:飛行機

Mitchell: (リリーに向かって) Who’s a good girl? Who’s that? Who’s that?

Granny: Oh, she’s adorable!

Mitchell: Oh, thank you.

Granny: Hi, precious! 

Mitchell: Hello. Hi, hi! We just- we just adopted her from Vietnam and… we’re bringing her home for the first time, huh.

Man: Oh, she’s an angel. You and your wife must be so thrilled.

Cameron: (バタバタと戻ってくる) Sorry, sorry, sorry. Daddy needed snacks. Hi. (慌てて席に着くと、おばあちゃんと男性が居心地悪そうに目をそらす) So, what are we talking about?

(コメンタリー)

Mitchell: Uh, we have been together for, guh, five- five years now? And, uh, we just, we decided we really wanted to have a baby, so we had initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate, but-

Cameron: Then we figured they’re already mean enough; can you imagine one of them pregnant?

Mitchell: Don’t think so.

Cameron: No, thank you. Ick.

(元の場面に戻る)

Mitchell: You saw that, right? Everybody fawning over Lily, and then you walk on and suddenly it’s all “Oooh, SkyMall, I gotta buy a motorized tie rack.” Alright, you know, I’m- I’m gonna give a speech.

Cameron: You are not giving a speech.

Mitchell: Why?

Cameron: You’re gonna be stuck with these people for the next five hours.

Mitchell: You’re right, you’re right. Okay, I’m sorry.

Lady: Honey, honey, look at those babies with those cream puffs.

Mitchell: Okay, excuse me. (立ち上がる) Excuse me, but this baby would’ve grown up in a crowded orphanage if it wasn’t for us cream puffs. And you know what? No, to all of you who judge-

Cameron: Mitchell…

Mitchell: -hear this: love knows no race, creed-

Cameron: Mitchell…

Mitchell: -or gender. And shame on you, you small-minded, ignorant few-

Cameron: Mitchell!

Mitchell: What?!

Cameron: (リリーが持っているシュークリームを指さしながら) She’s got the cream puffs.

Mitchell: Oh.

Cameron: …We would like to pay for everyone’s headsets.

 

場面: ダンフィー家

Phil: Buddy, why do you keep getting stuck like this?

Luke: I thought I could get out this time.

Alex: I’m just gonna say it: he needs to be checked by a specialist.

Phil: (ルークを手すりから解放する) There. Be free, Excalibur.

Hayley: I’m having a friend over today.

Claire: Who?

Hayley: Uh, you don’t know him.

Claire: Him. Him?

Luke: Oooh, a boy. You’re gonna kiss-

Hayley: Shut up! (子供たちが口喧嘩を始める)

Phil: Easy, easy…

Claire: Luke, Alex, why don’t you take it outside, okay?

Alex: And do what?

Phil: Fight in the sun; it’ll be a nice change. I’m kidding.

Claire: Hayley. Who’s the boy?

Hayley: His name is Dylan. You know, I might as well just tell him not to come because you guys are just going to embarrass me again.

Claire: Sweety, hang on a second. You’re fifteen and it’s the first time you’ve had a boy over. I mean, I’m bound to be a little surprised, but… not embarrass you.

Phil: I better go charge the camcorder. (ヘイリーが不満気な声をあげながら立ち去ろうとする) I’m kidding! Come on, who’re you talking to?

(コメンタリー)

Phil: I’m the cool dad. That’s- that’s my thing. I’m hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face? Um, you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical, so…

(フィルが子供のために高校のミュージカルを演じているシーン)

Phil: (歌っている) We’re all in this together. Yes we are, we’re all stars, something someth- and you know it.

(元の場面に戻る)

Alex: Mom! Dad!

Claire: What happened?

Alex: Luke just shot me!

Luke: I didn’t mean to!

Claire: Are you okay?

Alex: No, the little bitch shot me!

Phil: (笑う)

Claire: Language!

Luke: They’re only plastic BBs. It was an accident.

Claire: What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.

Phil: Buddy, uncool.

Claire: …That’s it? That- no, no, no, no, no. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.

Phil: We were serious about that?

Claire: Yes we were, and now you have to follow through.

Luke: (泣き出す) I’m so sorry!

Claire: Liar.

Luke: (泣き止む)

Claire: Go.

Phil: He’s got a birthday party.

Alex: What’s more important here, dad?

Claire: You can shoot him afterwards. He’ll be home at two.

Phil: I can’t shoot him at two; I’m showing a house at two.

Alex: What about three?

Claire: No, he’s got a soccer game at three and then oh, we’ve gotta leave for that dinner thing at five. (カレンダーをチェックしながら) Four fifteen. You could shoot him at four fifteen.

Phil: Yeah, I guess that works for me.

Luke: Aw…

Claire: (カレンダーに書き込みながら) “Shoot Luke.”

Phil: Sorry, buddy. It’s on the calendar.

Luke: Oh, come on.

 

場面: サッカーの試合後

Manny: I’m quitting soccer. It is a game for children.

Gloria: No, you’re not quitting. You would’ve stopped the goal if you weren’t staring at the little girl.

Manny: She’s not a girl. She is a woman. (車に乗り込む)

Jay: You know, Gloria, that little blow-up with that other mom– why do you have to do things like that?

Gloria: If somebody says something about my family, I’m going to-

Jay: I don’t… I’m just saying you could take it down here a little bit, that’s all.

Gloria: Oh, yeah, ’cause that’s where you live – down here. But I live up here.

Jay: B-but you don’t have to be so emotional all the time. That’s all I’m saying. Manny, you’re with me on this one, right?

Manny: I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her.

Jay: Oh, for god’s sakes.

Gloria: Manny, she’s sixteen.

Manny: Oh, it’s okay for you to take an older lover?

Jay: Hey, watch it.

Manny: I wanna go to the mall where she works. But first I need to get my white shirt. The silk one.

Gloria: Okay. If that’s what you really want to do…

Jay: Seriously, not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put on a puffy white shirt and declare your love for a sixteen year old, you’re gonna be swinging from the flag pole in your puffy white underpants.

Manny: Stop the car!

Gloria: Where are you going? (マニーが車から降りる) You see? You hurt his feelings.

Jay: Oh, well, if it toughens him up a little bit, then… geez, he’s picking flowers.

(コメンタリー)

Gloria: Manny’s very passionate. Just like his father. My first husband, he’s very handsome but too crazy. It seemed like all we did was fight and make love, fight and make love, fight and make love. One time – I’m not kidding you – we fell out the window together.

Jay: Which one were you doing? I’m hearing this for the first time.

 

場面: ミッチェルとキャメロンの家

Mitchell: This doesn’t worry you? She barely slept on the plane and she’s still wide awake.

Cameron: Oh, stop worrying.

Mitchell: But Cam, that… that orphanage, it was all women; maybe she just, she can’t fall asleep unless she feels a woman’s shape?

Cameron: Well, I guess that’s possible.

Mitchell: So here. (リリーをキャメロンに手渡す)

Cameron: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

(コメンタリー)

Cameron: Yes, I’ve gained a… few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby, which has been very difficult. But, apparently, your body does a nesting, very maternal, primal thing where it retains nutrients… some sort of molecular physiology thing. But that’s science. You can’t… you can’t fight it, so…

Mitchell: I’m not saying anything.

Cameron: You’re saying everything.

(元の場面に戻る)

Mitchell: Count to three: one, tw-

Cameron: Three! (リリーの部屋のドアを開ける)

Mitchell: Okay. (二人とも部屋に入る) Oh Cam. This is beautiful.

Cameron: Oh my god, do you love it?

Mitchell: Yes. I… (壁の絵を見ながら) What the hell is that?

Cameron: I had Andre do it while we were gone.

Mitchell: Is that us… with wings?

Cameron: We’re floating above her, always there to protect her.

Mitchell: Okay, well, that’s reassuring, right, Lily? Yes, we tore you away from everything you know, but don’t worry – things are normal here. Your fathers are floating fairies. No, can you call Andre? Have him paint something a little less… gay? By the way, we need to stop having friends with names like Andre.

Cameron: Red-headed daddy is angry daddy.

Mitchell: No, I’m not.

Cameron: Yes, you are. Even Pepper pointed it out on the way home from the airport.

Mitchell: Okay, that’s another one: Pepper. Yeah.

Cameron: Okay, what’s up?

Mitchell: Alright, look, I… I n- I never told my family we were adopting a baby.

Cameron: I know.

Mitchell: You do?

Cameron: Yeah, and I don’t blame you. I know your family: you tell them, they say something judgmental-

Mitchell: Exactly!

Cameron: You get mad-

Mitchell: I know, and then something that’s supposed to be nothing but joyful suddenly turns into this huge fight.

Cameron: And who wants a big, emotional scene like that?

Mitchell: Thank you, thank you. I’m so… I’m so relieved you understand.

Cameron: …I invited them over for dinner tonight.

Mitchell: …What?

Cameron: I had to. This would’ve gone on forever. You’re an avoider.

Mitchell: No, no, no, no. Cam, I’m calling them right now; I’m cancelling.

Cameron: No, you’re not. You’re telling your family you adopted a baby tonight. And you do have avoidance issues; even Langina said so.

Mitchell: Are you… are you really not hearing these names?

 

場面: ダンフィー家

(ドアベルが鳴る)

Hayley: Don’t answer it; I’ll get it! (走ってドアに向かうがクレアに先を越される)

Claire: Hi! Hey, you must be Dylan. (ディランと握手する)

Dylan: Hey. Dylan, yeah.

Claire: I’m Hayley’s mother.

Hayley: Hey. Now let’s go. (ディランを二階に連れて行こうとする)

Claire: Okay, um… hang on one second. Um… woah. Dylan, you’re still in high school?

Dylan: Yeah, I’m a senior.

Claire: A senior. Okay. Cool. Phil, sweety, honey… he is Dylan and he is a senior… (ささやき声で) and you need to scare him.

Phil: Let me meet this playa. Phil Dunphy, yo.

(コメンタリー)

Phil: It’s like that. You just- you just stare down on them and let the eyes do the work. Your mouth might be saying, “Hey, we cool,” but your eyes are like, “No, we not.” (口を指す) “Nice to meet you.” (目を指す) “No, it’s not.” (口を指す) “S’all good.” (目を指す) “S’all isisn’t.”

(元の場面に戻る)

Phil: Yo.

Dylan: Yo.

Hayley: Okay, I see you guys have-

Phil: Wait, wait, wait! You two… you two keep it real, know what I mean, son?

Dylan: Not really.

Hayley: Please stop.

Phil: That’s cool. (階段の手すりで滑る) Ow! Oh god, that’s my back!

Claire: Sweetheart…

Phil: Ow! Oh, I slipped on the baby oil.

(コメンタリー)

Phil: (口を指す) “Oh, where’re you from originally?” (目を指す) “I could defeat you if it came to a physical confrontation.”

(元の場面に戻る)

Phil: (ディランがお姫様抱っこでフィルを運んでくれている) Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Claire: I don’t know about this. Should I call a doctor?

Phil: No, no, no, no, no. You’re very strong, homes.

Dylan: Thanks. (フィルをソファーの上に横たえる)

Phil: Okay, nice. Nice soft landing.

Dylan: There you go.

Hayley: Okay, let’s go. (ヘイリーとディランが出ていく)

Phil: I am on my side, though, so just flip me right back and we’re good. We’ll be good. I just need to get flipped right on my back, and we should be fine, so… 

 

場面: ショッピングモール

Manny: (花束とカードを持っている) Brenda Feldman.

Gloria: What is that?

Manny: A poem I’ve written for Brenda Feldman.

Jay: Of course it is.

Manny: I put my thoughts into words, and now my words into action.

Jay: Hey, I’ll give you fifty bucks not to do this.

Manny: I’m eleven years old. What am I gonna do with money?

Jay: What are you gonna do with a sixteen-year-old? (マニーが歩き去る)

Gloria: He’s like a bull fighter.

Jay: Mhhh. You ever see a bull fight? I can’t watch this.

Gloria: You’re in such a bad mood, and I know why. It’s because that man thought you were my father.

Jay: Nooo.

Gloria: Yeees.

Jay: Nooo.

Gloria: When you say no like that, it’s always yes. Come on, we’re in the mall. Let’s get you, like, some… younger clothes. There’s a store there, but I-

Jay: I don’t need any younger clothes. And I don’t care what some jackass in a pair of ripped jeans thinks about me.

Gloria: Good. You shouldn’t. You should only care what I think. I love you and I don’t care how old you are. So stop being a gloomy goose and stop being so hard on Manny.

Jay: The only reason I’m hard on Manny is just because I don’t wanna see him make a fool of himself. And I can smell that hair goo of his from here.

Gloria: I don’t know what’s gonna happen to him over there. But you’re his family now, and that means only one thing: you be the wing in his back, not the spit in his face.

Jay: …What?

Gloria: Something my mom always says. It’s gorgeous in Spanish. Look, he’s there.

Manny: She has a boyfriend.

Gloria: Aw, I’m sorry, mi niño.

Manny: I gave her my heart; she gave me a picture of me as an all-time sheriff.

Gloria: Aw.

Manny: That was pretty stupid of me, wasn’t it?

Gloria: No, mi amor. It was brave, right, Jay? Brave.

Jay: Oh, well, you’ll know better next time. Let’s get a pretzel. (歩きだす)

Gloria: (スペイン語で何か言いながら後をついて歩きだす)

Officer: (ジェイに向かって) Oh, excuse me, sir. We ask that all mall walkers stay to the right. (老人のグループがジャージを着てウォーキングをしながらジェイの横を通りすぎる)

Jay: (自分のジャージ姿とウォーキング集団を見て、意を決したように洋服屋に入る)

 

場面: ダンフィー家 

(家の中)

Hayley: Alex, get out! Mom!

Claire: Alex, leave your sister alone.

Alex: I was just getting my book, gosh.

Claire: I know, sweety, but you need to respect their privacy. What are they doing up there?

Alex: Nothing. Lying on the bed watching a movie.

Claire: …Okay. Okay. Um, I’m making a cake for tonight. Do you wanna help me with the frosting?

Alex: Sure. So, you know, if Hayley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she was mono for a few months, and then, like, tell everyone the baby is yours?

Claire: …What?

Alex: The senior at school was out sick for, like, four months, but… then a week later, she was breastfeeding at the corner of a carwash.

(庭)

Phil: Buddy… what are you wearing?

Luke: (明らかに何枚も重ね着をしている) Nothing.

Phil: Uh uh. No jacket, one hat. How many pairs of underwear do you have on?

Luke: One… ugh, six.

(家の中)

Alex: First of all, it would be really cool to see Hayley that fat, and how awesome would it be to have a fake little brother who’s really my nephew.

Claire: Hayley is not getting pregnant.

Alex: Just saying if.

Claire: I know. And I know you like to make trouble for your sister, but it’s not gonna work this time. You know why? ‘Cause your sister is a good girl. I know; I was just like her when I was… (歩き去る)

(庭)

Phil: I want you to know: I’m not enjoying this, but this is an important lesson that you’re learning, so soak it, keep it. (BBガンをルークに向ける)

Luke: You’re too close. It’s gonna hurt.

Phil: It’s supposed to hurt.

Luke: And why are you smiling?

Phil: I’m… what?

(家の中)

Claire: (静かに階段を上がり、ヘイリーの部屋の前に立っている)

(庭)

Phil: Oh, forget it. I can’t do this. The point is you’re scared. I think you’ve learned your lesson- (BBガンを誤って発砲してしまう) Wow.

Luke: Ow!

(家の中)

Claire: (ヘイリーの部屋に入る)

Hayley: Mom? What are you doing?

Claire: Oh, hey. I was just, um, dropping off some laundry. Is this a bad time?

Hayley: Yeah.

Claire: Oh. Okay. (部屋を出る)

Hayley: Can you shut the door, please?

Claire: Actually, we’re just gonna go ahead and leave that open.

Hayley: Why?

Claire: Because I have, uh, seen this little show before, lying on the bed with a tall senior. One moment you’re just friends watching Falcon Crest, and the next you’re lying under the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket.

Dylan: Woah…

Hayley: Mom!

(庭)

Luke: You hit my bone!

Phil: It was an accident!

Luke: I thought you were my friend!

Phil: I am your friend!

Hayley: Dad! Dad! Dad, you have got to talk to mom. She’s, like, completely freaking out and embarrassing me!

Phil: Well, honey, your mom isn’t always as cool about things as I- (BBガンからまた弾が出てしまう)

Dylan: Ow!

Phil: What is with this thing?! (BBガンを投げ捨てる、と同時に足に弾が当たる) Ow!

 

場面: ミッチェルとキャメロンの家

(コメンタリー)

Mitchell: My dad… Uh, my dad still isn’t completely comfortable with… this. Um, he still does this thing – it’s been five years now – and he still does this thing where he announces himself before walking into any room we’re in, just to make sure he doesn’t ever have to see us kiss.

Cameron: Wish my mother had that system. Remember?

Mitchell: Not now.

(元の場面に戻る)

Mitchell: I still can’t believe you did this to me.

Cameron: Would you get in the spirit of things? It’s a celebration. (ドアベルが鳴る)

Mitchell: Oh god.

Cameron: Okay. I’m gonna go get Lily ready. And I want you to just come straight out with it.

Mitchell: Alright.

Cameron: Okay? You can do this.  Sports guy chest bump.

Mitchell: No.

Cameron: Sports guy chest bump.

Mitchell: Cam.

Cameron: (ミッチェルにチェストバンプをする) Do it.

Mitchell: Alright, okay.

Cameron: Go.

Mitchell: Sorry. (深呼吸をしてから、ドアを開ける) Hey!

Family: Hey!

Mitchell: How are you? (フィルからワインを受け取りながら) Thank you.

Claire: Oh, don’t thank us. Open it; dad is coming right behind. (またドアベルが鳴る)

Jay: We’re here! Coming in!

Mitchell: Don’t worry, dad. Nothing gay going on here. May I take your multi-coloured coat and bejewelled cap?

Jay: Yeah.

Phil: Hey, Jay.

Claire: Gloria, hi. How are you? Hi dad.

Phil: Hi Gloria. How are you? Oh, beautiful dress.

Gloria: Oh, thank you. Feel.

Phil: Okay. (グロリアに触り始める)

Claire: Phil. That’s how she says “Phil”. Not “feel”. “Phil”.

Phil: Oh.

Jay: So how was your trip?

Mitchell: It was good. It was good, actually, but, um, about that… I… I have something that I need to tell you guys. Um… uh, we didn’t just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We, uh… kinda have some big news.

Jay: Oh god, if Cam comes out here with boobs, I’m leaving.

Claire: Dad…

Hayley: I hope he didn’t embarrass you, mom.

Claire: Oh, don’t mind her. Hayley had her first boy over today and… Phil shot him.

Mitchell: …Anyway. Um… so about a year ago, Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more like, uh… maybe a baby?

Jay: Oooh, that’s a bad idea.

Mitchell: What do you mean “bad idea”?

Jay: Well, kids need a mother. I mean, if you two guys are bored, get a dog.

Mitchell: We’re not bored, dad.

Gloria: I support you, Mitchell, even though you’re not my son.

Claire: I-I-I think what dad is trying to say is that Mitchell, you’re a little uptight, kids bring chaos and you don’t handle it well.

Mitchell: Oh, uh, that’s not what dad is saying; that’s what you’re saying and it’s insulting in a whole different way.

Phil: Okay people, let’s all chillax.

Alex: Hey, where’s uncle Cameron?

Mitchell: Final- thank you. Thank you. Someone who’s not insulting me notices he’s not here.

Jay: Aaah, so that’s the big announcement, huh? You two broke up. Well, a baby wasn’t gonna help that anyway. And you know, let me tell you: you’re a lot better off because he was a bit of a drama queen.

Mitchell: Okay, no, no, no, stop! You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend who, by the way, is not that dramatic and- (ライオンキングのCircle of Life が流れ始め、明かりが暗くなる) Oh god… (キャメロンがリリーを抱いて登場する。リリーを持ち上げ、スポットライトを当てるかのように掲げる) We adopted a baby. Her name is Lily.

Cameron: Isn’t it exciting?

Mitchell: Just turn it off.

Cameron: I can’t turn it off; it’s who I am.

Mitchell: The music.

Cameron: Oh, yes, the music. (音楽を止める) Come say hi to Lily! (みんながリリーの周りに集まるが、ジェイだけ少し離れたところにいる)

Phil: Lily. Isn’t that gonna be hard for her to say?

Jay: Um, excuse me. Okay, I-I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea, but, uh… what do I know? I mean, it’s not like I wrote the book on fatherhood. I’ve been trying all my life to get it right; I’m still screwing up. Right, Manny?

Manny: I wrote a song about it in the car.

Jay: Of course you did. Uh… anyway, I’m happy for you and, uh, you should know that, uh, I’m not here to spit in your face; I’m here to blow at your back. (みんなが困惑した顔をしている) It’s supposed to sound better in Spanish.

Gloria:(スペイン語で繰り返す)

Cameron: Ah, that’s beautiful.

Jay: Anyhow, Mitch…

Mitchell: No, dad, it’s… (リリーを抱いて) Do you wanna meet grandpa?

Jay: Are you kidding? She’s one of us now. Let me see your little podsticker. Hey! You’re a cutie, aren’t you? Ah.

(コメンタリー)

Jay: (マニーのポエムを読んでいる) “We’re from different worlds… yet we somehow fit together. Love is what binds us through fair and stormy weather. I stand before you now with only one agenda: to let you know my heart is yours, Feldman comma Brenda.” (笑い出す) I mean, seriously!

Phil: Luke so far, you know, hasn’t beaten me in basketball.

(フィルとルークがバスケットボールをしている)

Phil: It’s 2-0. It’s 2-0. 

Phil: (ルークのシュートを止めた後に) Get that weak stuff out of my kitchen!

Phil: Do me a favor, just… (ルークの気を散らせてからシュートを決める) Boom! How’s the weather down there?

(コメンタリー)

Phil: But, when they day comes that he does win – if, you know, if, when… he beats me – I’m just gonna be like, “Well done, well done.” Just, like, let him, just support him and that kinda stuff. I mean, I’m probably gonna wanna go, like, two out of three and just see what happens there.

 

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会社を辞めたミッチェル。なかなか再就職できないミッチェルを落ち込ませないために、「今度は自分が働くから、ミッチェルは主夫になってリリーの面倒を見て」とキャメロンが言い出します。

これまでとは逆の役割をすることになった二人。お互いに気を使って言い出せませんが、ミッチェルは仕事に戻りたい、キャメロンは主夫に戻りたい気持ちでいっぱいです。

そこに、もしかしたら求人があるかもという情報が入りました。

*「モダンファミリー」は『モキュメンタリー』という手法を使っていて、架空のインタビューが挟まれます。ここでは、お互いに対して言っていること(建て前)と、モキュメンタリーで話すこと(本心)の違いがわかります。

Mitchell(モキュメンタリー) : I am losing my mind. As much as I love Lily, Which is, you know, more than life itself, I am… whew! Not cut out to be a stay-at-home dad. No. But I-it’s Cameron’s turn. It’s Cameron’s turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the explorer. I’d like to fill her backpack with brick and throw her into candy-cane river.(気が変になりそうだよ。リリーのことは自分の人生以上に愛しているけど… 僕は…..ダメ!専業主夫には向いてないよ。無理だ。でも今度はキャメロンの番だ。彼が世界に出て他の大人と交流する番なんだ。その間、僕は家で「ドーラと一緒に大冒険」のドーラの死を想像するってわけ。ドーラのリュックをレンガでいっぱい詰め込んでキャンディケインの川に放り込んでやりたいよ。)

Mitchell : So, I don’t know. Should I — should I call him?(で、どうしようか。彼に電話してみた方がいい?)

*ちなみにこれが「ドーラと一緒に大冒険」です。

 

 

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ベトナムからリリーを養女として迎えたゲイのカップル、ミッチェルとキャメロンは、リリーを初めて幼児向けのクラスに連れていこうとしています。

心配性のミッチェルは遅刻したくないからとキャメロンを急かしたり、キャメロンの服装を見て一目でゲイだとわかる服装はやめてとお願いしたり、出かける前から大騒ぎです。そんなミッチェルをキャメロンがなだめます。

Mitchell : I’m sorry, I just wanna make a good first impression.(ごめん。第一印象を良くしたいだけなんだよ)

Cameron : You mean you wanna fit in and not terrify the villagers?(みんなを怖がらせずに溶け込みたいってこと?)

Mitchell : No- hey, come on. Today is about Lily, alright? Her future best friend might be in that class and I don’t wanna… rub anyone the wrong way. Can you please just… change your shirt.(いや・・わかってよ。今日はリリーが主役でしょ?彼女の未来の親友になる子がクラスにいるかもしれないんだから、誰にも不快な思いはさせたくないんだよ。だから、お願いだからシャツを着替えて)

Cameron : Fine. You know what, I’ll just go put on a pair of khakis, maybe a polo shirt and everybody’ll think we’re a couple of straight golfing buddies who just decided to have a kid together.(わかった。じゃキナリのパンツとポロシャツにするよ。そしたらきっと僕らのことをただ一緒に子育てしてるただのゴルフ仲間と思ってくれるよ)

この最後のキャメロンのセリフが笑えますよね。

 

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いきなり地震がきて、家具が倒れ家の中はめちゃくちゃに。以前からクレアに地震がおきたときに家具が倒れて子供が怪我をしたら大変だから、家具を壁に固定してと何度も言われていたにも関わらず、面倒なのでやらずにいたフィルは、とうとう面倒になってやってもいないのに「もうやった」と言ってしまいました。

でも実際はやっていなかったので、地震後の家の中はめちゃくちゃです。その話をフィルがモキュメンタリーで話している時のセリフです。

Phil : For months, Claire has been after me and dogging me… “what if we have an earthquake? We’ve got kids in the house.” Blah blah blah. So it finally reached the point where I had no choice but to just roll up my sleeves and tell her I did it. (もう何か月もずっとクレアにしつこく言われてたんだ。『地震がきたらどうするの?子供がいるのよ。』なんちゃらかんちゃら・・もうしょうがないから決心して言ったんだ『もうやったよ』って。)

 

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