SUITS シーズン１第1話
[ジェシカのオフィス：ジェシカがソファに座りファイルを見ている。ルイスがオフィスに入ってくる]
LOUIS: Gerald Tate’s here. He wants to know what’s happening to his deal.
JESSICA: Go get Harvey.
LOUIS: Trust me. I can handle Gerald Tate.
[数人の男性がカードで勝負をしている」
HARVEY: I’m sorry you said the bet’s to me?
OLD MAN: Harvey, when are you gonna leave Pearson and work for a man?
HARVEY: I’ll leave Jessica any time you want. You just have to formally ask. Then, after that, why don’t you formally ask Santa Claus to bring you a pony because I’m not leaving Jessica. I check.
OLD MAN: Raise. 5,000.
[ハーヴィーが携帯電話を見る。ジェシカから「I need you」というメッセージがきている]
HARVEY: I’m all in. You can pay me later, I gotta go. Gentlemen.
[ジェシカのオフィス]
GERALD: I’m paying you millions. And you’re telling me I’m gonna get screwed?
HARVEY: Jessica, have I come at a bad time?
JESSICA: Gerald, this is Harvey Specter. He’s our best closer.
GERALD: Well, if you’re the best closer, where the hell have you been for the last 3 hours?
HARVEY: Well, Gerald, I specialize in troubled situations and when I left here at 7 PM, this deal wasn’t in jeopardy, so I’m just trying to figure out what happened in the interim.
GERALD: We keep offering him more money, he keeps rejecting it. It’s last-minute bad faith bullshit.
HARVEY: Says here that Cooper won’t be staying on as Honorary Vice-President.
GERALD: That’s right, I don’t want him around.
HARVEY: He wouldn’t be around, it’s an honorary position.
GERALD: I don’t give a shit.
HARVEY: Well, I think you do, because that’s what’s changed since I left, which means it’s you who’s been dealing in bad faith.
GERALD: Well, now that you’ve got a grasp on what’s happened in the God damn interim, what are you gonna do about it? Because he’s not getting that title.
HARVEY: Well, let me make sure I understand this, okay? We negotiated a deal that gave you everything you wanted, Mr. Cooper signed it, and now you won’t close until we take away the last shred of his dignity?
GERALD: Bingo.
HARVEY: Well, that’s not gonna happen.
GERALD: And why the hell not?
HARVEY: Because I like Mr. Cooper and my firm doesn’t operate in bad faith.
GERALD: Oh, I see how it is. Instead of working Cooper, you’re working me. Well, why don’t you take your pansy attitude back in there and make him sign my deal? Or I’ll pay someone else your money to do it for me.
HARVEY: Well, first of all, Gerald, if you think anyone’s gonna touch this deal after your bad faith, you’re mistaken. Second, the way our agreement works is the minute Cooper signed the deal, which gave you everything you wanted, our fee was due and payable, which is why at 7:30, I received confirmation of a wire transfer, from escrow, indicating payment in full.
HARVEY: So I’d say the ball’s in your court, but the truth is your balls are in my fist. Now, I apologize if that image is too pansy for you but I’m comfortable enough with my manhood to put it out there. Now, get your ass in there and close the God damn deal.
GERALD: You gonna let him talk to me like this?
JESSICA: Harvey speaks for the firm.
JESSICA: We g^t paid before Gerald signed the deal?
HARVEY: What are you talking about? This is a memo about some fire drill on Tuesday.
JESSICA: Huh.
HARVEY: You’re the blue team captain, you get to wear a fire hat.
[試験会場：マイクが眠そうにしている。試験管の視線に気づき、テスト用紙に書き込むふりをする]
PROFESSOR: Time’s up. Pencils down.
PROFESSOR: Excuse me. Do I know you from somewhere?
MIKE: No, I don’t think so. I’ve g^t a pretty good memory for faces.
PROFESSOR: Uh-huh. So do I.
FEMALE STUDENT: Sorry.
PROFESSOR: I got it.
PROFESSOR: Hey. Hey! Stop! You, in the cap! Get back here!
[男が不機嫌そうな顔でドアを開ける]
MAN: What did you get?
MIKE: What I said, I was gonna get you. A 158.
MAN: I told you I wanted a 175.
MIKE: And I told you only 1 out of 100 people can score that. You’re a B minus student, you got 1,000 on your SATs, if I get you a 175, they’ll know you cheated.
MAN: So only a genius loser can get a 175?
MIKE: Actually, no, I would get a 180. Now, can I have my money please? Woah. This is only half.
MAN: Then why don’t you go call the police? [何か言おうとするマイクの目の前でドアを閉める]
[トレバーの家：マイクとトレバーがマリファナでハイになっている]
MIKE: I’ve got to get my shit together.
TREVOR: That’s the best cheeseburger I’ve had in my life.
MIKE: That’s from Monday, Trevor.
MIKE: Look, man, I’m serious. I almost got caught today, I’ve got to stop getting stoned, I’ve got to get my act together.
TREVOR: Dude, look at me. You can burn bud and still be a success.
MIKE: You sell pot for a living.
TREVOR: Still saps the motivation. All I’m saying is, you want in, you are in.
MIKE: You know, that is word for word your offer before I got caught cheating on your math test in the 3rd grade.
TREVOR: God damn memory.
MIKE: Stop.
TREVOR: Look, no one’s gonna suspect you’re a dealer. I mean, look at me. This is a $2,000 suit, Mike. G^t like, 12 of ‘em. I take on real software projects. I have clients, who bring me briefcases filled with cash and I hand them identical briefcases with vacuum-sealed bud. I’m telling you man, hide in plain sight.
MIKE: What do you need me for?
TREVOR: Well, I have a client coming in, from out of town and I can’t meet him, and I need someone I can trust to make the drop. It’s totally safe. Come on. Help a brother out.
MIKE: Trevor, a person is more likely to die while dealing drugs than they would be on death row. In Texas.
TREVOR: Wait, what are you talking about?
MIKE: It’s from Freakonomics. Do you read anything that I give you? It doesn’t matter because you have to find somebody else. I’m not interested.
JENNY: Not interested in what?
TREVOR: What are you doing here? You said you were gonna stay at your place tonight.
JENNY: “Hi, sweetie. What a pleasant surprise. I’m so glad you stopped by.”
TREVOR: No, we’re in the middle of something.
JENNY: What are you in the middle of?
MIKE: Trevor’s trying to set me up.
JENNY: That’s terrific. Er, who’s the-, the lucky girl?
TREVOR: I’m trying to get him to work for me.
JENNY: That’s a great idea. It’ll take some stress off Trevor. And you’ll pick up writing code, like you do everything else.
MIKE: Alright, I gotta go. I gotta get up early to see my grandmother and pay them another month. Bye.
[レストラン：ジェシカとハービーがテーブルで向かいあって座っている]
JESSICA: How did you know Gerald wouldn’t look at that memo?
HARVEY: Because a charging bull always looks at the red cape, not at the man with the sword.
JESSICA: By the way, I’ve set up a meeting for you and John Dockery next week.
HARVEY: Dockery? He’s Scatton’s biggest client.
JESSICA: Not anymore. He’s looking around. He wants us to assess where he’s vulnerable to a takeover. Plays tennis. I want you to close him.
HARVEY: Consider it done.
JESSICA: Then you are officially dismissed for the evening.
HARVEY: Cheers.
LISA: Well, you two seem to be celebrating something.
JESSICA: Mm-hm. We are. In fact, you are looking at the best closer this city has ever seen.
LISA: Closer, huh? Baseball?
HARVEY: Attorney. I close situations.
WAITRESS: Hmm. So you only care about money.
HARVEY: Truth is, I do it for the children.
LISA: I’m Lisa.
HARVEY: Harvey. Lisa, I don’t normally do this but, since we are celebrating, what time do you get off tonight?
LISA: I’m glad you asked. I get off at 10 past. I’m never going out with you. [Lisa exits]
JESSICA: I guess, er, you’re not the best closer this city’s ever seen.
[ハービーの住む高層階のマンション]
LISA: Morning.
HARVEY: Lisa, this was lovely but I’m afraid it’s time to go.
LISA: Ohh..can’t we hang out? I can make you breakfast.
HARVEY: I hate to miss a workout and I really need to be in the office by 7:30.
LISA: That’s too bad. Because I was kind of thinking maybe you could eat it off my stomach.
HARVEY: I guess if I skip the gym, I can still get in by 9.
[老人ホーム：マイクが祖母の個室に入ってくる]
MIKE: I hear someone’s not taking their pills.
EDITH: Because they’re trying to poison me.
MIKE: Grammy, that’s crazy. Dr. Schrager gave me her word, she wouldn’t poison you until January. She does it before then, she can’t count it towards next year’s quota. So, what did I teach you?
EDITH: Michael, I’m not gonna be around forever, and I want you to stop with that stuff.
MIKE: What stuff?
EDITH: I may be old but I’m not an idiot. I know life has been hard for you but you’re not a kid anymore and I want you to promise you’re gonna start living up to your potential.
MIKE: …I promise.
[ジェシカは自分のオフィスでコーヒーを飲んでいる。ルイスもいる]
LOUIS: I’m not saying that I haven’t been charmed by Harvey, but it’s just so patronizing when you say that he can handle those things and, Louis, you can only handle this. Jessica, I could have handled Gerald Tate.
JESSICA: And I told you I disagree.
LOUIS: Why?
JESSICA: Because-
HARVEY: Because when you put two bullies in the same room together, things generally don’t go so well.
LOUIS: It’s 9:30, nice of you to show up two hours after we open for business. And I see that you’re also trying to look like a pimp.
HARVEY: My bad, Louis, I was out late last night and when I woke up, this is the suit your wife picked out for me.
LOUIS: And that would be funny if I’d actually be married.
JESSICA: Moving along.
HARVEY: You’re not married?
JESSICA: Recruiting. Harvey, your interviews are set up for tomorrow.
HARVEY: What? Why don’t we just hire the Harvard summer associate douche?
JESSICA: I think if you listen to the phrasing of that question, you’ll come up with an answer.
HARVEY: We need people who think on their feet, not another clone with a rod up his ass.
LOUIS: Harvey, the fact that we only hire from Harvard gives us a cachet that’s a little more valuable than hiring a kid from Rutgers.
JESSICA: You went to Harvard Law.
HARVEY: I’m an exception.
JESSICA: Find me another one.
HARVEY: Can we please skip the recruiting? I work better alone anyway.
JESSICA: Well, I would, Harvey, except all senior partners get an associate. It’s just a rule.
LOUIS: I’m sorry, what? Jessica, I deserve that promotion. My billables destroy his. And I’m here night and day doing whatever’s needed instead of swanning in and out of here whenever I please.
HARVEY: I must admit, he does make me sound very swan-like.
JESSICA: Harvey, shut up. Louis, this is how it is. Alright? Now, you two make nice.
HARVEY: Louis, I apologize. I was out of line. Now, if you’ll just let me text your pretend wife that I just made senior partner, I-, what? Too far? Come on, she doesn’t even exist.
JESSICA: How was that nice?
HARVEY: It’s not mean. Louis, come on. Louis, just messing around with you.
[老人ホームの廊下：医師がマイクと話している]
DR. SCHRAGER: Your grandmother’s getting worse. I need to move her to full care, or I’ll have to transfer her into a state facility.
MIKE: I won’t put her in a state facility.
DR. SCHRAGER: Then I’m afraid you’ll have to come up with 25,000.
MIKE: Then, I will.
[マイクがトレバーに電話をかける]
MIKE: Trevor. I’m in. One time deal, I want 25. Take it or leave it.
TREVOR: I’ll take it. There’s a briefcase in my room, pick it up tomorrow and take it to room 2412. The Chilton Hotel on Park Avenue. Now, you can’t go to a luxury hotel looking like a delivery guy, so shave, comb your hair, buy a suit.
MIKE: That’s a hell of a lot to ask, man.
TREVOR: Well, I’m not asking you, I’m paying you $25,000.
MIKE: Okay.
[ハーヴィーがドナの方に向かって歩いている]
HARVEY: Donna, clear my schedule tomorrow. You and I are hiring a new associate.
DONNA: Done.
HARVEY: Tell me, does this suit make me look like a pimp?
DONNA: Yeah, a little bit.
[トレバーが電話を切り、マリファナを袋に詰めている男たちに顔を向ける]
TREVOR: Yeah, he’s in. I’ll take it.
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #1: Good.
TREVOR: I’m gonna go take a piss.
[トレバーはバッグを持ちあげると、トイレに向かおうとその場を離れる、が、鍵を忘れたことに気づき戻ってくる]
TREVOR: Key…
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #1: 24 hours, we’ll know if this new buyer’s a cop.
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #2: Why didn’t you tell Trevor he might be sending his guy into a setup?
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #1: Same reason I don’t tell Gina I’m banging his sister. It will only cause trouble. What’s up?
TREVOR: I-, I’m just gonna take off.
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #1: I don’t think you should. Why don’t you stay with us ‘til tomorrow? Now, give me your cell phone. Give me your phone.
TREVOR: Yeah, alright.
MIDDLE-EASTERN GUY #1: And don’t even think about warning your boy. ‘Cause if these guys are cops, whoever’s holding that weed is going to jail for a long time.
[トレバーの部屋：マイクがマリファナの入ったアタッシュケースを見つめている]
JENNY: Hey.
MIKE: Hey. You scared the hell out of me.
JENNY: Sorry. Look at you. You look great.
MIKE: Thanks.
JENNY: Tell me you decided to work with Trevor.
MIKE: Uh, trial basis, yeah.
JENNY: Good.
MIKE: What are you doing here?
JENNY: My mom’s coming by my place later and I don’t want to mess it up so I’m hanging here.
MIKE: That’s not so bad.
JENNY: That’s not the ridiculous part. After I finished scouring the place for her visit, I sprinkled a teeny bit of crumbs around.
MIKE: I’ve gotta go.
JENNY: Hey. Come here. You want to look perfect on your first day.
MIKE: Yeah. I’ve gotta go.
JENNY: Mm. [マイクが出ていく]
[面接会場：ハーヴィーが部屋から出てくる]
HARVEY: Great, thanks.
HARVAD LAW STUDENT #1: Okay.
HARVEY: Donna. We’re gonna need to streamline this. Give each guy a hard time before you send them back. Give me a wink if they say something clever. Cool?
DONNA: Okay. What are you looking for?
HARVEY: Another me.
DONNA: Got it. Arrogant, self-absorbed, blow-hard. Thinks he’s the smartest one in the room.
HARVEY: That’s why I love you. You get me.
[ジェシカがフィリップと昼食をとりながら話している]
JESSICA: The point is, I can see myself stepping down as managing partner in 10 years. I will have accomplished everything that I wanted, and then still be young enough to start an entirely new chapter.
PHILLIP: It seems like it’s only been 10 minutes since I handed the reigns to you.
JESSICA: No, it hasn’t. And time just moves a lot faster when you’re 160.
PHILLIP: Yeah, but how good do I look? What’s going on with you?
JESSICA: Oh. Phillip, how did you know I was your successor?
PHILLIP: My gut.
JESSICA: See, I was afraid you were going to say that. My gut tells me it’s Harvey. My heart says he’s not ready.
PHILLIP: What’s the problem?
JESSICA: He’s the problem. If the leader of a firm doesn’t care about the people who work for it, there’s not going to be much of a firm left to lead.
PHILLIP: So, what are you gonna do about it?
JESSICA: What would you do about it?
PHILLIP: The man’s missing compassion.
JESSICA: Mmm-hmm.
PHILLIP: I’d shove it down his throat. Smoked salmon?
[面接会場：受付にいるドナが厳しい顔を向けている]
DONNA: So… Chip. What makes you think that I’m gonna let the whitest man that I have ever seen interview for our firm?
CHIP: Um, because I have an appointment.
[ホテルのトイレ：マイクが顔を洗い、心を落ち着かせている]
MIKE: You can do this.
[面接会場：ドナ]
DONNA: Kid, what is wrong with you? You look like you’re 11 years old.
HARVARD LAW STUDENT #2: I was late to puberty.
HARVEY: Thank you.
HARVEY: Harvey Specter.
[ベルボーイがドアを開けようとしている横で、スーツを着た男がベルボーイを急かしている]
SUITED MAN: Bring it up. Come on.
MIKE: Er, excuse me. I was thinking about going for a swim, are the pool facilities here nice?
BELLBOY: Of course, sir. It’s the Chilton Hotel. Best in the city.
MIKE: And, er, do you have the time?
MAN: Um, it’s, er… 10 o’clock.
MIKE: Thanks.
BELLBOY: He saw your gun.
MAN: Oh, you think that’s him?
BELLBOY: Matches the description. But he didn’t go in the room.
MAN: It’s 10 exactly, he’s just walking by. Go after him. And stay on the radio.
[面接会場：ドナ]
DONNA: Rick Sorkin. Rick Sorkin.
DONNA: Rick Sorkin? Excuse me, Mr. Sorkin, you are 5 minutes late, is there a reason why I should let you in?
MIKE: Look-, look, I’m just trying to ditch the cops, okay? I don’t-, I don’t really care if you let me in or not.
DONNA: Mr. Specter will be right with you.
MIKE: What?
DONNA: Can I get you anything? A coffee? A bottle of water?
MIKE: Hi, er, Rick Sorkin.
HARVEY: Harvey Specter, nice to meet you. Why don’t you have a seat here?
[マイクのブリーフケースが開き、中から一気にマリファナが床にあふれ出る]
HARVEY: Woah. What’s this?
[ベルボーイがドナのいる受付あたりまでやってくる]
DONNA: Can I help you?
BELLBOY: No.
[大きなビルの前: ルイスがテイトに歩み寄る]
LOUIS: Excuse me. Mr. Tate.
TATE: Who are you?
LOUIS: My name is Louis Litt. I work for Pearson Hardman. I have some information that I think will lead you to the conclusion that you’re better served at Pearson with me as your lead counsel.
TATE: I’m listening.
[面接会場：ハーヴィーとマイクが机を挟んで座り話している]
HARVEY: How the hell did you know they were the police?
MIKE: I read this novel in elementary school, um, cops were staking out a hotel. One of them dresses as a bellhop. The other is a man in a suit. And it was the exact same thing.
HARVEY: You read a novel… in elementary school?
MIKE: What? I like to read.
HARVEY: Then why’d you ask them what time it was?
MIKE: Throw ‘em off. I mean, what kind of drug dealer asks a cop what time it is when he’s got a briefcase full of pot, right?
HARVEY: We should hire you. Jesus, I’d give you the 25 grand as a signing bonus.
MIKE: I’ll take it.
HARVEY: Unfortunately, we only hire from Harvard. And you, not only did not go to Harvard Law School, you haven’t even gone to any law school.
MIKE: What if I told you I consume knowledge like no one you’ve ever met, and I’ve actually passed the bar?
HARVEY: I’d say you’re full of crap.
MIKE: That’s a BarBri Legal Handbook right there, right? Open it up. Read me something. Anything.
HARVEY: Civil liability associated with agency is based on several factors, including-
MIKE: Including the deviation of the agent from his path, the reasonable inference of agency on behalf of the plaintiff, and the nature of the damages themselves.
HARVEY: How did you know that?
MIKE: I learned it. When I studied. For the bar.
HARVEY: Okay, hotshot. Fire up this laptop. I’m gonna show you, what a Harvard attorney can do. Pick a topic.
MIKE: Stock option backdating.
HARVEY: Although backdating options is legal, violations arise related to disclosures, under RIC section 409A.
MIKE: You forgot about Sarbanes-Oxley.
HARVEY: The statute of limitations renders Sarbanes-Oxley mute post-2007.
MIKE: Well, not if you can find actions to cover up the violation as established in the Sixth Circuit May 2008.
HARVEY: That’s impressive, but you’re sitting at a computer.
MIKE: Playing cards. Sorry, if you want to beat me, you’re gonna have to do it at something else.
HARVEY: How can you know all that?
MIKE: I told you. I like to read. And once I read something, I understand it, and once I understand it, I never forget it.
HARVEY: Why take the bar?
MIKE: This dick-head bet me I couldn’t pass it without going to law school.
HARVEY: Okay, look, this is all pretty fascinating stuff but I’m afraid I gotta get back to work. I’ll make sure Serpico isn’t around, waiting for you.
HARVEY: If you want this job so much, why didn’t you just go to law school?
MIKE: When I was in college, it was my dream to be a lawyer. I needed some money and Trevor convinced me to memorize this math test and sell it. Turns out we sold it to the dean’s daughter. I lost my scholarship, I got kicked out of school, I-… I got knocked into a different life. And I have been wishing for a way back ever since.
HARVEY: Let me tell you something. This isn’t elementary school; this is hard work. Long hours. High pressure. I need a grown God damn man.
MIKE: You give me this and I will work as hard as it takes to school those Harvard douches and become the best lawyer you have ever seen.
HARVEY: I’m inclined to give you a shot but what if I decide to go another way?
MIKE: I’d say that’s fair. Sometimes I like to hang out with people who aren’t that bright. You know, just to see how the other half lives.
HARVEY: Move over. I’m emailing the firm I just found our next associate.
HARVEY: Alright. You’re gonna start a week from Monday, here’s what you’re gonna do. First, no more pot, we drug test. Stop smoking now, you’ll be fine, I assume that’s all the drugs you do.
MIKE: How do you know that?
HARVEY: You read books, I read people. Pot-heads smoke pot, that’s what they do.
MIKE: That’s not all I do. I have interests.
HARVEY: You’re Albert friggin’ Einstein and you couldn’t manage to get into law school, you think that’s not from smoking weed?
MIKE: Trevor got-
HARVEY: That’s another thing. You’re never gonna talk to Trevor again. You’re gonna ditch that briefcase and you’re gonna get on a plane to Harvard and you’re gonna learn everything there is about going to law school there. Did you buy that suit?
MIKE: Yeah.
HARVEY: Let’s buy some new ones.
[マイクが飛行機に乗り、ハーバード大学に向かう]
MIKE: Hi. Er, how do I sign up for today’s law school tour?
RECEPTIONIST: You go back in time 6 weeks ‘cause that’s when it booked up.
MIKE: Um…
RECEPTIONIST: This is Harvard Law. We get over 7,000 applications a year, you think you can just walk in and take a tour?
MIKE: Thank you.
CLIFFORD: Er, Eduardo Fernandez, who first of all looks like he works at the public pool or something, and he comes up to me the other day and I completely know he’s a freshman, he looks at me and goes “Where’s the public health school?”, which is right around the corner, and you know what I tell him?
MIKE: Clifford Watkins?
CLIFFORD: Excuse me. Can I help you?
MIKE: Jonathan Atwater, I work for Dean Warmer in the admissions office.
CLIFFORD: Yes, of course. And what can I do for you?
MIKE: The dean personally sent me down here to invite you to a small cocktail hour for some of our, er, more realistic candidates. And we’d like to keep this sort of thing discreet so if you’d subtly hand me your name tag, you can proceed directly to the dean’s office. Congratulations.
TOUR GUIDE: Harvard Law is the oldest law school in the country and boasts the most successful graduates in the world. Currently, we are 6 of 9 Supreme Court Justices and, of course, the President of the United States.
[ピアソン＆ハードマン法律事務所の受付]
MIKE: Er, hi. Good morning, I’m here –
RECEPTIONIST: Have a seat.
MIKE: Thank you.
RACHEL: Mike Ross? Hi. I’m Rachel Zane, I’ll be giving your orientation.
MIKE: Wow. You’re pretty.
RACHEL: Good. You’ve hit on me. We can get it out of the way that I am not interested.
MIKE: I’m sorry, I-, I wasn’t hitting on you-
RACHEL: Trust me. I’ve given dozens of these and, without fail, whatever new hotshot it is thinks that, because I’m just a paralegal, that I will somehow be blown away by his dazzling degree. Let me assure you, I won’t.
MIKE: I was.
RACHEL: Mm-hm.
MIKE: I was hitting on you.
RACHEL: You were. Take notes, I’m not gonna repeat myself.
MIKE: I love you.
RACHEL: Each bank of offices specializes in its own arena of the law and is anchored by a department head on either end. So, on our left, Mergers and Acquisitions. On the opposite side, high net worth Divorce.
MIKE: Nice. Mergers across from Divorce. Symmetry. Uh, yeah. I should just listen.
RACHEL: The firm operates on a chain of command model. Harvey’s your commanding officer, however, Louis Litt, he oversees all associates, so you’ll also answer to him.
MIKE: What do you think about Harvey?
RACHEL: People are in awe of him. They say he’s the best closer there is, but I have very little contact with him, so I don’t know.
MIKE: What about Louis Litt?
RACHEL: Let’s continue with your tour.
[ハーヴィーがご機嫌で廊下を歩いてくる]
HARVEY: Hey, Becky. You are glowing. I wonder why that is-, oh, yeah, it’s the day they announce my promotion. Jimmy, have you lost weight? Steve-ooo.
STEVE: Hey, Harvey.
HARVEY: Looking like a guy who came to work.
HARVEY: Excuse me, why are you scratching off the ‘Senior’ off my door?
JANITOR: I got a work order to take it off.
HARVEY: Who issued the work order?
JANITOR: My supervisor.
HARVEY: Why did he issue the work order?
JANITOR: If I knew that, I’d be his supervisor.
HARVEY: You seem to be enjoying yourself.
JANITOR: I haven’t enjoyed myself since 2004.
HARVEY: Donna? Someone’s trying to have a little fun with me here.
DONNA: Jessica wants to see you in her office. Now.
[レイチェルとマイクのオリエンテーション]
RACHEL: And, finally, this is where you’ll live.
MIKE: Wow.
RACHEL: I gave you that for a reason, you haven’t taken one note.
MIKE: It’s because-
RACHEL: Because you were too busy ogling me to listen to a word I’ve said?
MIKE: Partner’s offices anchor the wings. 5th floor’s research, 6th is security. All work gets billed, even if it’s finding an address. I answer to Harvey and Louis Litt and, judging by the way you responded to my questions, I should admire Harvey and I should fear Louis. You have been here for 5 years and just because I outrank you, does not mean I have the authority to command your services. Oh, it’s also pretty clear that you think you’re too smart to be a paralegal.
RACHEL: You know what nobody likes? Nobody likes a showoff.
MIKE: You used the word ogling, I mean-uh- when do I get to see Harvey?
[ジェシカの部屋]
JESSICA: Gerald Tate fired the firm.
HARVEY: So you’re taking my promotion away.
JESSICA: You know, most firms would put you in front of the bar and have your license stripped. You lied to a client, and he figured it out.
HARVEY: I lied to him to get him to do the right thing and honor his contract, and you didn’t seem to mind so much when you thought I got away with it.
JESSICA: But you didn’t get away with it. And I can’t justify handing you a promotion on the same day that you lose a huge client.
HARVEY: One client doesn’t make a firm.
JESSICA: I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we’re in the middle of an economic meltdown, companies aren’t exactly lining up to spend money on attorneys right now. And, you know, Gerald might have forgiven the lying if you hadn’t humiliated him, but you did, and you need to accept that.
HARVEY: Jessica, if you hadn’t done as much for me as you have, I’d be heading for the door.
JESSICA: If I hadn’t done as much for you as I have, I’d be throwing you out the window.
JESSICA: But, Harvey, no more shenanigans. If you do one more thing that isn’t straight as an arrow, and instead of covering your ass, I’ll put you in front of the bar myself.
[マイクがハーヴィーの部屋で待っている]
HARVEY: Mike.
MIKE: Hey. Who’s ready for a great first day?
HARVEY: I’m gonna have to let you go.
MIKE: What?
HARVEY: I just got reamed for lying to a client and if they find out that I lied about you going to Harvard, they’ll take away my license.
DONNA: You what?
HARVEY: Not now, Donna. Look, I have to put my own interests above yours. It’s nothing personal. You’re fired.
MIKE: Wait, so you’re worried that if I stay, then they might find out that you lied about me and you’ll lose your license, but if you fire me, then I could tell them that you lied about me, and you’d definitely lose your license.
HARVEY: Are you telling me that if I throw you under the bus, you’re gonna drag me with you?
MIKE: You put your interests above mine, I m-, I’m just putting mine back up next to yours.
HARVEY: You’re re-hired.
MIKE: Okay, so should I… alright.
[ハーヴィーがジェシカのところに戻る]
HARVEY: Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna give me back my promotion and that’s the last we’re gonna talk about this.
JESSICA: And why is that?
HARVEY: Because if you don’t, I’m gonna go across town and join Rick Peterson. I’m gonna approach every client I’ve ever closed and I’m gonna take them with me.
JESSICA: You do that, and you’ll force me to put you in front of the ethics board.
HARVEY: I don’t think you will.
JESSICA: And why not?
HARVEY: Because you are obligated to notify them the second I lied to Gerald but you didn’t. You put me in front of the board right now, I’ll put you right up there with me.
JESSICA: I’ll, um, I’ll give you your promotion. But you have to do something for me.
HARVEY: Anything.
JESSICA: Pro bono.
HARVEY: Anything but that.
JESSICA: Harvey, pro bono cases are we, as a firm, show that we care about more than just ourselves.
HARVEY: I’m not saying we shouldn’t do them. I’m saying I shouldn’t do them.
JESSICA: And it’s how you can show me that you care about more than just yourself. You’ll handle this yourself, you will not pass it off.
HARVEY: Absolutely.
[ハーヴィーが自分のオフィスに戻る]
HARVEY: Your first case.
MIKE: Awesome. What is it?
HARVEY: Pro bono. Sexual harassment. Don’t tell anyone I laid it off on you and don’t screw it up.
MIKE: Got it. You can’t handle it? I’ll knock it out of the park.
HARVEY: Easy, Clarence Thomas, just go meet the client. Hey. Didn’t I tell you to get some better suits?
MIKE: I stripped $500.
HARVEY: For how many suits?
MIKE: 5… What?
[公園：女性が一人で外にあるテーブルにいる]
MIKE: Nancy?
NANCY: Mike?
MIKE: Yeah, hi.
NANCY: You’re a kid.
MIKE: No, I’m a-, I’m a grown man.
NANCY: You’re so skinny. Do they feed you? Have a grape.
MIKE: Thank you. Why don’t you tell me your story?
NANCY: It started, er, 2 years ago. I was a stay-at-home mom to my son, Freddy. And one day we were at little league, Freddy was 5, he really hated that he couldn’t play with the older kids. It was the 3rd inning, and I got a phone call. My husband had been in a car accident, and he was gone. Just like that.
MIKE: I’m so sorry.
NANCY: I did the best I could. I got myself a job as a secretary at Devlin McGregor, and I even got promoted to secretary of the president, Charles Hunt. And that’s when it all changed.
MIKE: It’s okay, you tell me what happened.
NANCY: He started asking me to stay late. Ordering dinners together. Stuff like that. One night he says that if I sleep with him, he’s gonna take care of me in the firm, and if I don’t, he’s gonna fire me.
MIKE: So what did you do?
NANCY: I went to human resources. They said they investigated, couldn’t find anything to support my claim. 2 months later, I was fired for poor job performance. They wouldn’t let me say goodbye to anybody, they wouldn’t write me a letter of recommendation. I wasn’t looking for a payoff. All I wanted was for it to stop. Can you help me?
MIKE: Er, yes. Yes, I can.